Mirror, Mirror

If I could look like anyone in the whole world, I would want to look (and move) like Polina Semionova, one of the most beautiful ballerinas EVER. She's PERFECT.

I had to post some videos (they're not in English, but it doesn't really matter). In the rehearsal section of the first one she plays Odile, daughter of the evil Baron von Rothbart in Swan Lake, in the process of seducing Prince Siegfried in order to get him to break his vow to Odette, the Swan Queen. In the second video she rehearses Odette, the tragic heroine of the story, all pathos and brokenhearted love.

(Incidentally, for anyone who might have preferred an embedded video of Stierle's incredible solo "Lacrymosa" on my Celsius 233 post, it's there now, finally.)



Recently one of the nurses accused me of having low self-esteem for saying matter-of-factly that I wasn't a beautiful woman. Why is an honest, realistic assessment of one's physical attributes necessarily "low self-esteem?" I mean, sure, I'd LOVE to look like Polina, but I'm also accepting of the fact that I don't, nor do most women in the world. Do THEY have low self-esteem if they observe they don't have super-model looks? Come on. Just because we acknowledge facts doesn't mean we loathe ourselves. In fact, I think it takes genuine self-love to be comfortable with being ordinary, especially in a world that puts such a premium on being "exceptional," and I try to grow toward that kind of maturity every day. It's a work in progress, as always.

In addition to drawing the wrong conclusion about my opinion of myself, this nurse was also equating esteem-ability with extreme beauty - I mean, if it's OKAY not to be drop-dead gorgeous, then why is it "LOW" self-esteem to acknowledge that one is not exactly drop-dead gorgeous?

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When I was all into ballet, I would notice things like perfectly pointed feet, musicality, pleasing line, etc. Now I can't help noticing how GREAT her landmarks are for a central line, and how easy it would be to insert a sixteen-gauge needle into her jugular, using that prominent sternocleidomastoid and her pulsating carotid as guides...It's funny how circumstances can change the way you look at the world...