Oboe Confession

I had SOOOOOO much fun at my oboe lesson today! Kyoko can turn every little gaff or setback into a huge laughing moment. We spent the 2nd half of the lesson doing a kind of sight-reading marathon, with her accompanying me on piano. I felt like someone who's not quite reading at grade level, but she actually seemed pleased with how I did, and also with how, despite the LOOOONG summer hiatus and my recent stressful schedule, I had managed to keep up some of what I had gained with the instrument. What a relief! I thought it was going to be a bad lesson.

She's gently trying to get me to consider a recital and put Gordon Jacob's lovely "Ten Little Etudes" under my nose, carrot-to-Bugs-Bunny style, to tempt me. When I started taking lessons I had told her up front that I would never, ever, ever, ever do an oboe recital. Now I'm enjoying the instrument so much that I'm not so sure I hate the recital idea the way I did before...except that being gazed at publicly is still such a horrifying thing for me to imagine. Play in a group? That I would do. In fact, I'd LOVE to be in an ensemble, if I could be just one of many voices, contributing my part but not alone in the limelight. She mentioned there might actually be just the group for me in a neighboring town; her friend conducts an ensemble of adult beginner musicians. But a recital? No way. The very word recital gives me the creeps. I suffer from physically incapacitating, stomach-gnawing, horribly terrifying, emotionally crippling stage fright. (There's a great article here at Mandolin Magazine that sums up the experience and possible ways to deal with it.) If it was bad during my dancing years, when I was at least performing in something I was good at, how can I possibly bring myself to do publicly something I'm barely tolerable at? I'd almost rather be coding someone in the O.R. ...

Meanwhile, my son's loving violin. He was practicing in the living room while I was in the kitchen and I overheard him talking to himself, saying "That was fun!" after a couple of the things he was practicing. I think I had about as happy a feeling for him as I could possibly have. I love the fact that we can now enjoy my violin mix together. We're suckers for Neville Mariner's cut of Vivaldi's Winter, and Gil Shaham playing Sarasate.

Kyoko's in concert next week with the Philharmonic at Sanders Theater, my old stomping grounds, where I struggled to stay awake through many an undergraduate lecture. They're playing a new work for violin and tabla as well as some Ginasteras and Mussorgsky. I think I'll bring the kids to hear Pictures.

"Oboeitis enthusiasticus"

First I want to say <<Bon anniversaire, Maman!>> to my wonderful mother-in-law, whose boundless spirituality and generous heart are daily gifts to our family and to all the kids tutored through the Earthen Vessels program. I am so blessed to have such a kind and caring mother-in-law.

Thanks too to Bob Heineman for coining a name for our affliction. You're right, Bob - it's INCURABLE!

Yesterday when my teacher & I did those little duets together it brought back memories of the times when piano "wasn't so bad." I took piano from age 5 to age 12, and though I am grateful for the musical education I got taking it, I have to admit piano brought me a LOT of anxiety, especially piano recitals. I still get sick to my stomach before my daughter's recitals - whereas she loves performing! The two times I recall specifically ENJOYING piano were the times when I didn't have to play alone. One time I played a Telemann piece with an accomplished young flutist. I especially loved not being the soloist, but rather the background person, the accompanist. Another time I was accompanied for the 1st movement of Mozart's Piano Concerto No. 17 by a fantastic adult pianist whose presence made the harrowing recital for that piece a little less agonizing. Otherwise, though, the study of piano was a morass of dread for me, probably because of my tendency toward stage fright.

Playing music WITH others is a great pleasure, though. I would have loved to play in an orchestra, to make music with others but also remain anonymous, not in the spotlight. Anesthesia's like that too - our work is so essential to what's going on, and so important, yet so anonymous and under-acknowledged. My favorite musical moments are when my husband pulls out his guitar and we sit down as a family to sing together, or when my daughter and I sit down at the piano to play together.

I got more daring during Indulgence Time at the end of my practice period and tried an arrangement of the Huron Carol / 'Twas in the Moon of Wintertime. I've always liked this carol but when I learned the words were written by Jean de Brebeuf, a Jesuit missionary to the Huron and contemporary of René Goupil, the carol acquired special meaning for me.

I've read and heard many times that oboists are (and need to be) a little obsessed. If I'm this preoccupied now, wait till I start making reeds...