Halloween: Ghost Stories to "Get in the Spirit"

(Cupcakes from Whole Foods)

If you've read this blog around this time of year in years past, you'll know that I really, really don't like Halloween. At ALL.

This year I'm feeling a little less bah-humbug about it, though. Maybe it's all the Ghost Whisperer reruns I've been watching. Or maybe trying to focus on the creative aspects of Halloween (rather than the morbid and gory) is making it more positive for me.

Take food. All you have to do is browse through Halloween entries on Foodgawker.com to appreciate how creative people can be with culinary celebrations of Halloween. Inspired, I turned a quest to develop a moist, dense amaretto-laced cake into this Ghost Cake with white chocolate buttercream frosting. It was yummy.

Then there's music. NPR has this Halloween music mix and a list of "Tunes That Terrify" to get people in the mood, and a Halloween music puzzle that, I am horrified to admit, totally stumped me.

I don't like scary movies at all, but I've always enjoyed a good ghost story. In honor of New England author Mary Wilkins Freeman, who was born on Halloween in 1852, here's a list of spooky stories to enjoy on Halloween night or some dark, stormy night when you're curled up under a blanket and there's a fire crackling in the fireplace. Most of these are available online.

The Man Who Found Out by Algernon Blackwood

Mrs. Zant and the Ghost by Wilkie Collins

The Signal-Man by Charles Dickens

The Captain of the Polestar by Arthur Conan Doyle

The Lost Ghost by Mary Wilkins Freeman

Of a Promise Broken by Lafcadio Hearn

Pigeons from Hell by Robert E. Howard

The Adventures of the German Student by Washington Irving

The Lovely House and The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson

The Monkey's Paw by W.W. Jacobs

The Whisperer in Darkness by H.P. Lovecraft

The Apparition and The Wolf by Guy de Maupassant

Four Ghost Stories and The Shadow in Moonlight by Mary Molesworth

By E. Nesbit: Man-size in Marble, John Charrington's Wedding, From the Dead, and The Power of Darkness

The Black Cat by Edgar Allan Poe

The Body-Snatcher by Robert Louise Stevenson

A Ghost Story by Mark Twain

By Edith Wharton: Afterward, The Eyes, Kerfol, The Lady Maid's Bell, and Pomegranate Seed

The Canterville Ghost by Oscar Wilde

Halloween gives us a chance not only to read about fascinating characters and other worlds but also to enter into some of those fictional worlds by becoming characters ourselves. That's one aspect of Halloween I like - the costumes. I enjoy seeing what my friends and family choose each year, and I have to admit I have a little escapist fun dressing up. How do people go about picking their costumes? Favorite books, shows? This year my daughter is pulling off a wonderful "Abby Sciuto" from the show NCIS. I saw some folks show up to a costume party as "rescued Chilean miners." I was boring and went to this costume party in an Indiana Jones hat, but I still had fun.

Finally, there's one more spirit-building treat I revisit each year: this addicting online pumpkin carving activity. Halloween. Love it, or hate it? Hope you can enjoy it this year, however you usually feel about it. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

A 7-Word Game

I decided to write out this train of thought because it sort of came rushing at me in the last twenty minutes and I wanted to follow it through.

It began with me thinking about someone who left a comment on a website: what a loser.

Then I thought to myself, What do I mean by that? What's a loser? What makes that person, by your definition, a loser? What is your definition of a "loser?"

Pretty soon this led to these questions:

If you wanted to convey some idea of "who you are" to others by choosing words to define and then providing the definitions, which words would you choose, and what would your definitions be?

Would you choose the same words for other people to define (in order to get a better idea of them)?

I decided to do my own exercise and jot down some word definitions here just to see if I would learn something about myself. If you feel like trying this and sharing your results, I'd love to hear about it - drop me a line (or a comment)!

MY WORD LIST

FRIEND - a person you can trust with your truest self, whose company you cherish, and with whom you share a reciprocal commitment to regard the details of each other's lives as things that matter

JERK - someone who has suppressed or obliterated his or her capacity for respect

LOSER - someone with no interest in learning

MATURITY - freedom from needy-ness, from thinking that everything's "about" oneself, and probably also from highly reactive anger

FAITH - an individual's way of understanding, viewing, and responding to the world and to experience

LOVE - a deliberate, steadfast, and solidarity-driven pouring of energy into recognizing, upholding, protecting, or restoring another's dignity, well-being, and/or worth

SUCCESS - peace with oneself

Whew. I don't know why I got all philosophical tonight but I had to get it out.

How Will You Celebrate Ether Day 2010?

c. 1846 Daguerrotype by Southworth & Hawes of a re-enactment of Ether Day

Happy Ether Day once again, everyone!

Every year on this day I repost my original Ether Day post.

I'm also going to celebrate with a bowl of mussels, a glass of wine, and perhaps a slice of cake tonight. Someday I will have a cake like this one in the shape of an anesthesia machine (see this video of how it was made). Way to go, Charm City Cakes!

Sick II

One of my facebook updates this week on my private account was that I

"have a love-hate relationship with interleukin-6. Yes, macrophages and T cells, I know you are doing your job, but how many proinflammatory cytokines does it really take to fight this thing? What's that? Be grateful you guys are even working? Oh, all right. I'll shut up and eat my soup now."

Yes, I've been sick this week. It started brewing shortly before my overnight call on Monday, during which I worked till about 3 a.m., then tossed and turned till 5 a.m. unable to breathe due to nasal congestion, then got woken up by my beeper at 7 a.m. Rested Tuesday, then tried to go to work Wednesday morning but asked to be replaced by a moonlighter and went home. Called in sick Thursday. Was allowed to stay home Friday because of low case volume. This is rare for me. I almost NEVER take sick days.

The culture of medicine has bred me to think of them as a weakness. It has also hardened me somewhat to any intrusion of personal problems into professional life in general. I can't let exhaustion, home stress, or personal worries make me fail to do my job, on time, competently, with focus. It's just not acceptable. Not being "on our game" for any reason is sub-standard because patients' wellbeing is at stake. I find I get mentally impatient with people who make excuses - most of which sound lame to me - for not getting their job done. Medicine doesn't care if I'm planning a wedding or if I stayed up late taking care of my sick child. The job has to get done, and get done well. No excuses. I find myself thinking very harshly critical thoughts when people outside of medicine approach their work with softer standards.

But this week my body just couldn't function. On top of the nasal congestion, my least favorite symptom of a respiratory infection, I had a violent, productive cough that hurt my chest and kept my husband up at night, occasional chills, muscle aches, nausea, and fatigue. I was in bed for three days. The worst part of it was missing my family's hugs. "Air hugs" from my adorable children and the fear of infecting my loving spouse, who hugged me anyway, carefully, despite my illness, were poor substitutes for the tight bear-hugs we enjoy giving each other.

So I've been thinking to myself - because I've had time to do nothing but think and watch reruns this week - how lonely many patients must feel in the hospital, suffering with unpleasant symptoms for days, with only occasional visits and brief touches for human contact. I remember feeling a little lonely even when I was in the hospital for a happy reason - childbirth. Illness is more isolating, and the truth is so few people want to be around suffering for too long. I wonder if I've been forgetting to be present enough to people when I visit them on rounds. Sometimes unexpected time away from work, not because of vacation, is a good thing. Having the tables turned has provided a reminder, a chance to reflect a little on things I shouldn't be forgetting about. Like compassion for the sick.

Friendship and Female Physicians II

Over a year ago I wrote a post about the challenges of making friends as a female physician. I cross-posted it on Mothers in Medicine, and the comment boards on both blogs were pretty interesting.

One of my best friends in med school was an O.B. nurse. Though she has moved almost all the way across the country and I haven't seen her since I was in school, we're still in touch and expect to be seeing each other at last in a couple of months.

By some coincidence one of my best friends now is also an O.B. nurse. I'll call her Ziva (yes, I watch a lot of NCIS). Ziva is from Israel. She is smart and funny, a lover of books and movies and good music and good food, talented and competent, and above all a great and generous person I would entrust with my children's lives. Ziva and I can talk about just about anything - silly "girl stuff," deep intellectual stuff, spiritual questions, moral/ethical dilemmas, work stress, kids, comic moments from day-to-day life, worries about tough problems, faults and failings, embarrassing secrets, cultural differences, things that inspire us or bring us joy.

For some reason, her colleagues are very uncomfortable with our friendship and underhandedly persecute her for it with snide comments and not-so-veiled criticisms. One time I arrived to provide a spinal for a C-section. Ziva was already in the room counting instruments, and one of the other nurses said, "Oh, are you happy now - your friend's here." Another time she happened to mention that she and I had recently discussed the mechanics of intubation, and in front of all the other nurses one of her other colleagues made some critical remark about her being friends with me. When Ziva called her on it, saying "What's wrong with that? T. is SO nice! She's totally adorable," the other nurse said, "I have no desire to be friends with T. I have my OWN friends." Ziva found this nurse's comments and the tone in which she said them disrespectful and hurtful. Many of the other nurses can barely conceal the clouds of disapproval and resentment that darken their looks when Ziva and I greet each other cheerfully at the nurses' station.

"They feel threatened," my husband said.

"But if I were a single, tall, good-looking MALE doctor it would be FINE for a nurse to be close to me, right? Isn't that totally self-demeaning of these women? Sure, it's ok to befriend a man in a position of authority, but it's somehow wrong if it's a woman?" I was totally frustrated and irritated that the culture in this workplace wouldn't tolerate a genuine close friendship between a female doctor and a nurse.

Ziva and I do not flaunt our relationship in professional situations. I feel I am just as business-like with Ziva while delivering patient care as I am with any other team member, and conversely, just as nice with the other team members as I am with her and with the patients and with any colleague. But there's a lot going on here. Gender issues. Cultural issues. Xenophobia, or, even worse, maybe some anti-Semitism. And perhaps status issues. Maybe they think nurses and doctors can't or shouldn't be friends (unless, of course, it's a dating situation between a male doctor and a female nurse). Or maybe they feel Ziva's smarter and more highly trained and better educated than they are and they just can't stand it.

I am feeling exasperated and a little angry. This type of collective attitude is completely stupid and unnecessary. I don't know that there's much I can do about it. I'm certainly not going to change this blessed friendship for the sake of a few small-minded harpies who aren't comfortable enough in their own skin to show some tolerance, respect, and support.

The Story of My Life

I haven't been writing as much lately. This is because

a) I am a creative-project monogamist. I am completely consumed by a concert I'm producing this fall and all my productive energy seems to want to go there. Thus blogging and other writing are suffering.

b) Work has been busy. Just this week I'm on overnight call in the hospital three times. I'm tired.

c) Work dynamics have been exasperating lately, and I don't want to vent too much negative stuff here that would blacken the atmosphere. I get annoyed at over-critical people; surely my complaints would come across as similarly annoying and judgmental or over-critical, and I just don't feel like going there right now. Maybe on the next post...or the one after that...but not right now.

In the meantime, here's an amusing clip - one that's gone viral in our anesthesia community - that just about sums it up:

Story. Of. My life.

My New Favorite Blog

"Autistic people are just as capable of love as anyone else. Loving other people isn't restricted to those who can speak fluently, read each others' faces, and remember not to talk about feral cats for half an hour while trying to make a new friend. We may not copy the emotions of other people, but we have just as much compassionate as anyone else. What tends to be different is how we express it. Neurotypicals will often attempt to sympathize with the person; autistics (at least, the ones that are like me; we I've said, we're diverse) will often try to fix the problem that made them upset in the first place. I don't see that either approach is superior to the other..."

-Lisa Daxer, an autistic biomedical engineering major at Wright State University.

Listen to her interview on NPR here and check out her wonderful blog, Reports from a Resident Alien.